The fact that Ian and I are now embarking on this swinging lifestyle is interesting for a number of reasons. One of which is that we actually met on an alternative lifestyle site, but back then, we both were looking for BDSM play partners. Even more amazing is that once we met, we actually found we had an incredible amount in common outside of sex and our relationship has grown so much that we decided we want to be married to each other for the rest of our lives. Crazy, right?
For me it is beyond crazy. I’m a good girl and always have been. Yes, maybe you could say I’ve been a “closet freak”, indulging in all kinds of fantasies in my mind (and I have a special fondness for some pretty kinky literotica stories), but pretty sexually reserved with other people. I dated some through high school and college, but never took any relationship very seriously and rarely slept with anyone I dated more than a few times. Most of my best friends were guys and as “one of the guys” I had all the benefits of male companionship (beer/video games/someone to kill roaches) without the hassle of relationship drama.
Throughout all of this safe, easy, platonic fun, I found myself fantasizing about all kinds of sex and was especially drawn to the ideas of BDSM submission. I read all kinds of wonderfully erotic stories about naughty school girls being spanked (and more) by their professors and unassuming women being forced into pleasuring police officers or doctors. This lead to stories and videos of a slightly more sadistic nature, with women being chained and gagged, spanked and whipped.
Moving to a new city after college, I found myself too timid to go out and meet the kind of men who might share my interests. For over a year I pleasured myself while reading stories of women turned into slaves and watching movies of the girl-next-door getting fucked by a group of men and women. I fantasized about both men and women and admitted to myself that while I had no experience to tell me if I was bi-sexual, I was at certainly bi-curious at the very least. During all this time, I was actually pretty happy to be on my own. I’ve never been the kind of girl who needs a man in my life to feel ok about myself. I had a great job, bought my first house and had a number of pretty good friends to spend time with. After about a year and half of this celibate, vanilla outer-life, something kind of snapped inside me. I needed sex and I needed it soon.
Being a child of Jobs’ and Gates’ 80’s, I turned to the trusty world wide web to find some like-minded adults who might share my kinky desires. At first it was enough fun just to take some sexy pictures of myself for my online profile (I was using Adult Friend Finder and Alt.com at the time) and then indulge in some adult chatting with men and women on the site or on instant messenger. I met a number of fun Dom-inclined men (and a few women) who were willing to teach me a little about the Dom/sub lifestyle and give me some idea of how it could work in real life.
My curiosity was peaked by all the things I was learning, both about the Dom/sub lifestyle and about my own sexual desires. I decided I was ready to take it the next level and make some play-dates out in the real world. I somewhat nervously went on that first “date”, with a man with whom I actually shared a few acquaintances. Knowing that we knew a few people in common, I felt a little safer and we had some wonderful playtime, complete with handcuffs and a paddle. I was kind of “high” on the new-found freedom I had found in submission and followed this date with a couple more like it. On one hand, I knew I was being a total slut, on the other hand, I was connecting with a part of myself that had been ignored for way too long.
It was at the end of this little sex-spree that I met and chatted with a man online who said he was an experienced Dom/Master and would love to talk to me about his lifestyle to help me see if I might want to pursue it for more than just a night. We emailed and chatted online and eventually exchanged phone numbers. I remember the first time I heard his voice: it was so sweet and kind and sexy. Little did I know that within a year, I would be engaged to marry this man, in a happier, healthier relationship than I have ever known. Yes, that final internet Dom was Ian himself and that first phone conversation unexpectedly changed my life.
After an amazing first date, Ian and I began exploring our sexual fantasies. At first we were both very interested in a Dom/sub relationship, but very quickly it became something kind of different. Ian and I made this incredible connection and spent long nights talking about not just our sexual desires, but our lives and our passions and our hurts and our wants. We made each laugh. (We still make each other laugh) Ian held me when I cried. We still maintained the basic idea of Dom and sub, but as time passed, we knew we were ultimately on equal footing in the relationship. Ian values my thoughts, feelings and decisions and I value and admire his. I still call him “Sir” (or “Daddy”) as a sign of my commitment and respect and our sex life is still wonderfully hot and kinky, but for all intents and purposes, we are like any other modern couple.
So that brings us to now, where Ian and I are ready for the next phase of our sexual exploration. We are deeply committed to each other and are even in pre-marital counseling to make our communication skills as good as they possibly can be. We have discussed that divorce is simply not an option for us, so we will spend the rest of our lives doing anything and everything we can to make each other happy and keep our relationship healthy.
In the meantime, the sex is pretty great too!
******Public Service Announcement********
If you, like Holly, are thinking about meeting play partners online, be smart and be safe. Always meet somewhere public first. Use your common sense and if you feel like something’s off, politely get the hell out of there.
Ian and Holly Swing 